Knock, knock And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Your email address will not be published. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. course sometime. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? My drives aren't always long and straight. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. About 160 yards was his reply. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. Andy. 3. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Find the ball. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. If you drink, dont drive. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Intercourse! Golf?! I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? 21. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. I'm pretty good with my short putts. He said. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Funny Family Poems. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". 100 Great Golf Quotes All Keen Golfers Need To Read | Kidadl Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. It bends a little to the left. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; The next minute youre hemorrhaging. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. The end. I give the ball some sweet talk. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. 2. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. 21 FUNNIEST Golf Jokes 2023 (with Puts and Puns) - Jokes Quotes Factory All of them. Wanna be my caddy? putt." Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Golfing? Choose Is everything okay?. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. 18 Funny Golf Quotes to Keep You Laughing on - 18Birdies A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Many golfing terms sound naughty. What do you call a lion playing golf? Why are computers such naturally good golfers? fodrizzle. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. I like big putts and I cannot lie. And it's damn funny. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Just ask my ex -wives. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Get in the hole! Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. How many strokes was that? Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Sir W.G. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Sunday Service. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? They expect to succeed! Missed the ball and sank the divot. 6. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Golf is like doing your taxes. Clubbing. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Golf Quotes (131 quotes) - Goodreads Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? Hilarious Golf Jokes That Will Have You Laughing on the Course | RD.ca Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. QuotesGram What did the golfer say after performing yoga? 20. The smile looks really good on you. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. 5. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Your email address will not be published. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Dirty Golf Sayings. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. had to choose, right ? The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. Andy who? "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. In the Golf of Mexico! No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Thats incredible. ~ Victor Hugo. Please sign up with your best email address. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. But you cant just forget not to think. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Chip Shot. Wash your balls. Why dont skeletons play golf? What do you call a blonde at the driving range? SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? -Lee Trevino Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Very interesting. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Tahiti who? Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Boo who? And that thought is: Dont think. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. I chipped in from the rough! Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Knock, knock The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Knock, knock A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. Lee Trevino. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. The lowest score wins. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. Tommy Armour, 40. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Man: Please dont go. 3. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. You hit down to make the ball go up. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Because they might get a slice. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. I am a Musician. Features: Size: 7x18 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Some of the best cowboys aren't boys Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Happy Gilmore. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. The other 20. What is a golfers favorite bird? Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Please add a link to this article. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. "Golf is my profession. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! 2. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. We have a threesome, care to join us? Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. - Bobby Jones His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? The fourth putt! Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. 2. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. PG Wodehouse. 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? It took one afternoon on the golf course. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Why a carrot as a logo? "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? 69 Best Dirty Quotes For Him | Her | Kinky | Funny | Sayings - TryTutorial